Desecrating the Classics: The Magnificent Seven

At dinner on Monday with our good friend Scott Peacock, he made a comment about how classic film critique is often built on the bias that classic film can do no wrong. In other words, it's very rare to hear someone denounce a classic film, or even one that's just old, and in my experience our Mr. Peacock's comment is quite astute. While I've enjoyed films both old and classic since I was very small, I have had some pretty extraordinary letdowns due to people gushing over classic pictures (see: Vertigo, My Fair Lady).

I want to make two things very clear: one, I like movies in general, and when they were made doesn't factor into whether or not I think a flick is good; and two, I'm cuckoo for Westerns. So it's no surprise now - though it was at the time - that The Magnificent Seven is kind of awful.

That's right, The Magnificent Seven. That huge Western with an all-star cast, top-rate director and production company, and incredible source material, that sits at the top of so many "Best Western Film Of All Time!!!" lists, including the AFI's, and that people rave over as if it's the greatest thing since Clint Eastwood. Based on Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, the film takes place in the American Wild West and tells the story of a diverse group of (seven) gunslingers who are hired by a Mexican village for protection from a bandit gang's regular visits. The story plays out in three acts: the group's formation, their preparations at the village/getting to know their enemy, and the final confrontation.

I really, really wanted to like this movie; in fact, I reasonably expected to based on its pedigree. I like The Great Escape so much that, as the class geek, I was able to sell my grade 11 world history class on this old movie no one had heard of to be the one WWII movie we could watch (there was a vote) - and not only convinced them it was good enough to watch instead of Saving Private Ryan, but actually had cool kids come to me privately afterwards and thank me for recommending it. Backed by the same production company and director as The Great Escape, and a large portion of its cast (including Charles Bronson, James Coburn, and - pardon me while I fan myself and sigh - Steve McQueen), and featuring an incredible score by Escape composer Elmer Bernstein, as a production it's solid. The cinematography is gorgeous, and production quality is high. However, it's also melodramatic, corny, boring, trite, and generally pretty lame. Made well after the American industry had figured out how to differentiate acting/directing methods from theater to film, The Magnificent Seven is bogged down by bad blocking, overdone writing, and hammy performances (though of course not from Steve McQueen, as Alvin Plantinga successfully proved in 1952 that a bad performance from Steve McQueen is an impossible condition. Okay, I made that up just now). This was very surprising to me because The Great Escape is such an understated production. I'm always astonished by the difference directing makes to enhance or reduce an actor's performance, and particularly shocking here is that the leader of the bandits as played by Eli Wallach (a.k.a. the Ugly from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly) couldn't be described as "threatening" on a good day. It's a does-not-compute on the same level as Joel Schumacher managing to make Kiefer Sutherland's vampire motorcycle gang leader the exact opposite of badass in The Lost Boys.

I should also make it clear that I first saw The Magnificent Seven two or three years before watching the film it's a remake of, Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, and even then I knew The Magnificent Seven was trite. Even then, I couldn't find any reason to care about anything the gunslingers were doing. Having watched it again since seeing Seven Samurai - I wanted Corey to see it, so I could have the comfort of knowing someone else thought it was a crappy film too - has reinforced that significantly. None of the nuances of Kurosawa's story are present; all that tale's powerful themes of humility and sacrifice were stripped away. The killer is, it's a story that can actually translate well to American culture. Unfortunately, lessons on humility are replaced by cocky pride, sacrifice is replaced by either self-servience or sacrifices so small as to be insignificant. The cynic could say that is how to translate the story to this side of the ocean. This is one trite, trite film, made all the more meaningless by basing itself on one of the most meaningful films you'll ever find.

Ignore the "Best Western Ever" lists. Save yourself the time and disillusionment. If you want a good Western, go watch The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, or For a Few Dollars More, The Searchers, The Outlaw Josey Wales, or if you like your movies recent, there's always Tombstone, Unforgiven, 3:10 to Yuma, and Open Range. If you want a good The Magnificent Seven, go watch Seven Samurai - it's one of the greatest films ever made. If you insist on clinging to nostalgia and liking The Magnificent Seven because it's "classic", and this critique has made an impact on your blood pressure, then I beg your indulgence to go hide behind a wagon before you start throwing the rotten tomatos.

It's not that The Magnificent Seven is a complete load of crap, there are worse pictures by far. It's just that it's not good, it's really not good, and there's no good reason for that to have happened.