Emo Scooter Lawsuit Madness! (Now with 20% more stubble)

Imagine this: you have a drama starring Academy Award nominee Don Cheadle, and....Adam Sandler. The same Don Cheadle who's received multiple (and deserved) accolades for such diverse roles as a flamboyant cockney techie in Ocean's Eleven, Sammy Davis Jr. (The Rat Pack), an author writing a book on teenage felons (The United States of Leland), anarchic radio host Petey Green (Talk To Me), and Rwanda's real-life equivalent of Oskar Schindler in Hotel Rwanda.

Now imagine that this film would have been much better if Don Cheadle weren't in it.

Now stop asking if I've lost my mind, and understand that it wasn't Don Cheadle's fault.

Reign Over Me is a story of mourning and avoidance that features Adam Sandler as Charlie Fineman, a dentist whose life was shattered when his wife and three daughters were killed in one of the planes that struck the World Trade Center. Four years later, Charlie has cut himself off from the world and is refusing to face his loss, living off his significant government compensation as he immerses himself in music, video games, Chinese food, and manically re-modeling his kitchen every trimester. He is so complete in his refusal to engage the outside world that he typically only ventures outside long after dark, pretends not to know old friends or remember any aspect of his life before September 11, and won't even watch TV as it is unpredictable and may ask him to remember something he doesn't wish to.

He comes out of his shell when his old roommate Dr. Allan Johnson (Cheadle) recognizes him on the street. Johnson is aware of Charlie's loss, but never knew his family, so Charlie feels safe around him because he can be confident that Johnson will never mention them.

Charlie's story is the meatiest, most interesting plot of the film. I say that because there are actually four: Charlie's mourning, Johnson's mangled relationship with his narcissistic, cruel wife, Johnson's lawsuit involving a deranged divorcee who repeatedly propositions him for oral sex, and Charlie's healing process and relationship with his former in-laws. This movie is a bad case of don't-know-how-to-tell-a-straight-story syndrome. The subplot involving Johnson's wife is a useless melodrama that shows him married to a woman who tells him what he likes and what's best for him, and resents all attempts on his part to partake in an activity that she hasn't thought up - so, obviously, Johnson's renewed friendship and care for Charlie provokes her to jealousy that he is spending time out from under her thumb. The writer deals with this complex and painful issue by having Johnson accuse her of jealousy, and her accuse Johnson of envying Charlie's freedom to do whatever he wants...and that's it. We never see whether or not there is any basis to these accusations, and the relationship is resolved by Johnson apologizing to his wife for not being communicative enough with her, and her accepting his apology...so that he can come home and be abused some more? What the ****? Is Hitch the only popular contemporary film in which a man actually confronts a woman for being at fault, and the woman actually sees that she is at fault and they have a realistic reconciliation? What's up with the Hollywood obsession with the woman never being wrong?

Then there's the deranged divorcee, desperate to give Johnson oral sex in the office, who accuses him of sexual abuse when he refuses. When Charlie sees her, he can't stop talking about how she's the most beautiful, wonderful woman he's ever met. We find out roughly an hour later, in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it flashback, that she bears a passing resemblance to his dead wife. Then, Johnson and Charlie's psychiatrist Angela (in what is otherwise a surprisingly good turn from Liv Tyler and the most positive portrayal of psychiatrists since Good Will Hunting) encourage and enable Charlie to let this woman into his life. This wounded, deranged, completely unstable woman. This is supposed to be good for him how? This plotline completely contradicts all prior character developments for Johnson and Angela in relation to how they help Charlie heal. It's also moronic.


Then there are the just plain stupid random emo elements, like slowing down the frame rate as Charlie catches his first glimpse of Ground Zero, and my personal favourite, showing Johnson at the end, after apologizing to his wife over the phone, driving off home on Charlie's scooter - the same scooter used earlier as a key symbol of Charlie's emotional regression, woundedness, and refusal to move forward with his life. I say again: WHAT THE ****?

Adam Sandler proved himself excellent at drama in his other portrayal of a severely emotionally wounded man in Punch-Drunk Love. Combined with the mostly good writing and acting for Liv Tyler's psychiatrist character, focusing this story entirely on Charlie could have made an very strong, compelling film. But it just doesn't seem that the writer had the skill to pull it together, so instead he branched out to more melodramatic plots in a desperate attempt to give his work more meaning. Or something like that. This guy needs to go back to school. Where's Andre Harden when you need him?

So......very........not good............

Like professional critics, I watch movies so you don't have to.