"I'd like a chocolate sponge, please."

You don't hear a lot about the booming art exports of Wales, but there have been some fine ones. The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill and Came Down A Mountain is a film that more or less defines the terms "charming" and "pleasant", and the Stereophonics Word Gets Around remains (in my mind) one of the greatest rock 'n roll theme albums recorded to date. Also, the place just looks great. Why wouldn't it be the vacation destination of choice for relocated hitmen?

The Baker (2007), starring Damien Lewis (Life, Band of Brothers) and written and directed by Gareth Lewis (or, as the former probably calls him, "my brother"), is a joint UK-Wales production that can be best described as averagely enjoyable. When professional assassin Milo pulls a Jason Bourne and discovers, in the middle of a hit, that he's ready for a career change, his boss (Michael Gambon) sends him out to "the country" to lay low and get his head together. It turns out that "the country" is in fact a tiny village in Wales, and the small flat Milo's boss has made available to him happens to be the upstairs portion of a bakery, leading the locals to assume that Milo is their replacement baker. Of course, this particular cover is one Milo isn't, shall we say, well qualified to assume. Fortunately, this turns out to not be a problem, as the village's young dimwit hooligan discovers Milo's buried gun case on his first day in town, puts two and two together, and promptly tells everyone who will listen ("It must be his codename - The Baker!"). The locals decide that one orders hits by ordering chocolate cakes, and the clueless Milo starts feeling very affirmed as he slowly learns his new trade and discovers the pleasures of a quiet, peaceful life. Of course, he also discovers the pleasures of a looney Welsh girlfriend. And, of course, someone has a hit on him, which means said looney girlfriend is in danger as well. But Milo doesn't know this. He just thinks the villagers really like his baking.

We saw this film in the Rogers cheap bin and picked it up because we're big fans of Damien Lewis' work, and as a cherry on the cake Nikolaj Coster-Waldau of the short-lived and underrated New Amsterdam makes a fun appearance as Milo's ridiculous, German techno-loving nemesis . (Tangent: Coster-Waldau's Amsterdam co-star Zuleikha Robinson is currently guest starring in a multi-episode arc on Lost. Ha! Thought you could get rid of 'em, eh, Fox Network?) The Baker also answers the burning question, "What does Damien Lewis really sound like?" I also appreciated that the plot wasn't centered around whether or not Milo's cover would be blown, but when he would realise that it's already been blown, and the locals hate each other and are quite excited to have a hitman in their midst. Thrown in what may very well be the most un-sexy comedic sex scene ever conceived - I hope, for Lewis' sake, that was sweetened cocoa - and an impromptu, full-cast pub sing-along of the Gipsy Kings' "Volare", and the film has humour for every temperment: strange, sweet, morbid, and British. That being said, I stick by my original assessment of "averagely enjoyable". The Baker is not great, but neither is it mediocre. It's a "lazy weekend" sort of film, well suited to lounging and snacking.