Discovery: The Monkey Does Not Have the Data Module

After a disappointing text-only homage to 2001: A Space Odyssey - you shouldn't have to work that hard to unlock text-only Easter eggs! - the developers of Mass Effect returned to my good graces with the sidequest "UNC: Lost Module", a tiny hiccup of a mission which artfully combines classic horror film/game lore (toxic hazard planets full of monkeys!) with classic camp sci-fi lore (dirty thieving monkeys!) as well as classic odd cartoon lore (see below). A video clip of the following was, sadly, not forthcoming.

One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper. At the end of the week the teacher said, "Class, I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that said, "Hello, my name is Bingo. I like to climb on things. Can I have a banana? Eek eek." I got an F. When I told my mom about it, she said, "I told you, never trust a monkey!" The end.

- "Brak's School Daze: Never Trust a Monkey" (Space Ghost Coast to Coast)